. . . With Fear and Trembling

The verse of yesterday was when Saint Paul said we are to "work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, for God works within us." I think it was Saint Paul. Anyway, I was talking with D. about struggles of the heart and discerning whether or not I'm truly searching for Christ or just going through the motions. We got to talking about the Judgement Day and how we will stand before God not as ourselves as we are today, but as broken beings revealing our true selves. I like the way Lewis puts it. He says we will stand before God as a stripped-down version of ourselves. The central part of us that is formed and molded with every choice we make here on Earth is what God will judge. Basically, God will judge what is in our hearts. Lord, Have Mercy. I pray that my heart is truly desiring God and my outward self isn't just praying and studying and struggling simply because others do. I don't feel like that's what I'm doing, but sometimes I just feel like something's off. Maybe this inward struggle is a sign that I'm on the right track? My tempter is doing a great job of making me feel like something's wrong.

I finally got something done today that I've been putting off for 10 years. I'll put the finishing touches on it tomorrow and send it off. I won't give any more than that. If you read this, please pray for peace for its recipient and for me as well. My heart is going to be rather anxious for a while now, although it will be relieved.